Best Laid Plans

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Are in my notes app.

short term plans

Mini meltdowns and overload of thoughts generally = focus and plans in the aftermath. I guess I’ve honed the skill of turning breakdowns into something useful over the years. The overwhelmingly trapped feeling gives way to “fuck it, I’m going to do some stuff, and I’m going to write it down so I KNOW”. So, that’s that. March and April seems to be the time that happens for me, lately. I don’t know why exactly, but I’d be willing to bet that the sudden feeling of living in a perpetual winter or perpetual deadness (no leafs or flowers get old) has something to do with it. Growing up in perpetual spring and summer makes the never-ending winter scary I think. I never know when to put coats away, or when it’ll stop being monochromatic. I know there’s green in June, but any time before that is sketchy and does weird things to my psyche.

When I give myself a voice

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and tell myself what I really need and what my motives are, I get this.


And then my brain feels really sheepish about it, like maybe it’s really lame and I’m incapable of mattering or doing things that matter. I think it’s just upset that it kept it hidden and in the shadows for so long, because it feels so scary to say it; and to name the things that drive me and have driven me since I went down that slide in the playground thinking I could be a hero like Balto when I was three.

Art Journal: Place I'd like to go

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“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…” ― Dr. Seuss

Dr Suess Prompt

I’d like to go to Cardiff, in England, and travel in the TARDIS on the Doctor Who set.

(drawn on my iPad using Paper, and a bamboo iPad pen)


Art Journaling

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I’ve wanted to be an art journaler for a long time, but every time I started I’d stop. I think it was because subconsciously I never really felt good enough. I loved other people’s art journals – in books, with loads of paint, or collages. But I’ve never really been able to do that (I can’t bring myself to write in books) and I wanted my journal to look cool too, so I sort of just got hung up.

The Art Journal: prompt 1

A few days ago, I discovered The Art Journaler and their April prompt which somehow made it okay. Then, yesterday, I was hunting down a letter to tape to my journal-journal with another letter and I stumbled across some of my old notebooks from 2009 on. As I flipped through them, with the rambled notes and illustrations in the corner I realized, I’d been art journaling before I even realized I was an artist. And it wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t collage-y or dedicated (I had business ideas, math, sermon notes, and random marriage notes in with my thoughts) it was mine – and my art has improved a lot since then.

Late Night art #taj #norules

Which somehow made me realize something. It’s just a journal, and I don’t have to compare it and it doesn’t have to be like anyone else’s and it doesn’t have to be worthy, because it already is, because it’s mine. So lately, I’ve been toting around my pentalic recycled drawing book that I got on vacation last summer, and my sign pen markers I got for christmas; and drawing, coloring, and writing whatever prompts me, whatever thoughts I have in my head, and whatever I feel like I need to get down before I lose it.

Art journal

If it’s particularly lengthy though, I have my shiny “live free” notebook my sister-in-law gave me for christmas that I’ve turned into my journal-journal. Pretty notebooks make good journals.

wish #wish #taj #norules

Artistic Tuesday

posted in: Art Challenge, Creations | 2

Last night I went to an artist panel hosted by the local creative arts association that I just joined. The topic was basically how we write ant talk about art, and how we *should* be and what ways are helpful to engage the public. We had a journalist, historian, and a director from a gallery that works in tandem with MECA.

We talked about how art is a business and how culture/art and the economy go hand in hand. Art festivals are great because people who wouldn’t usually go to a gallery will come and be exposed to the arts. We talked about how the arts in Maine are changing and picking up speed, how many people really do care about the arts even if their not vocal about it, and we talked about how there are so many opportunities to learn, or to teach and make it all accessible.

What struck me

We talked a bit about how to know what good art is and how a lot of that is subjective. How people today have advantages to “build their eye” because we can see everything on the internet. Not just art, but subconsciously, design. How the biggest thing we can do to develop our “eye” is to keep looking. everywhere. cartoons, internet, books, galleries, fairs. Art is everywhere and becoming more and more accessible. We can learn anything we need to with the tools that we have at our fingertips (not to discount classes…). But, we need to start a dialogue. We’re not used to having honest discussions about art, and we should be having those conversations.

I wrote a lot more in my notebook that makes sense to me, but I can’t translate it into a coherent post separated from the context in the ink strokes. I write in lines, and when I see them I understand the context and the subtext on a subconscious level, but getting that out of the lines and ink and into words on a screen takes a while of chewing and musing and letting the words create themselves.

Shortly after my meeting in August I went through my old notebook and wrote down a few things about my art – what movements I identify with, what I’d like to improve/want to see, and what I need to do.

my art is inspired by:

idealism – art is imagination, psyche over body

mannerism – perspective less important, idealized figures

romanticism – authentic, intuition, non utilitarian

post/impressionism – not telling morals, follow own vision, emotional

aestheticism – art for the sake of art, subtle moods/color

post/modernism – exploration of vision, noticing the world changing, art is imperfect

futurism – new and vital, celebrates technology

I want:

to have more depth in my figures so they look less flat. To learn how to create more convincing backgrounds and how to create glowing effects/more luminosity. To learn how to shade better

I need:

to practice and research everything I want to get better at and understand.


It must be a weird thing, because I trust my ability to find things on the internet more than my ability to find what I’m looking for in a book. I think my biggest fear is: a book, is a book, it’s there, it’s not changing or updating, I could find a book that could be erroneous or horribly outdated and I wouldn’t really know. I could get an art history book that’s huge, but might have less accuracy because of the time and viewpoint of it’s writing. So I’m weirdly more apt to trust a google search and look at multiple sources and hope that I get a more whole view. The problem is finding out where to start. I did a search on VanGogh last week, I guess I’ll just search for things as I feel like I should learn about them and when I’m inspired to look up particular topics.

Anyway, after the meeting I feel a mix of self conscious in my creating and validated in my quirky methods (cartoons/tv + internet). I’m still very much trying to bridge the gap and everyone in that room has been creating for years, and I presume, have closed that gap. Although, I suppose, I shouldn’t assume that. Then again, I was the youngest in the room, and I’m pretty sure I’m the youngest in the group. I have so much to learn, and honestly it’s a bit intimidating. Doesn’t help that I have this thing where I jump between different things, which is great for me because then I learn a variety at once, but hard when I need to figure out what to start first. Maybe I’ll make a list of things to research and then go through that. It might be easier to do if it’s not “RESEARCH ALL THE THINGS!”.

If you’ve made it this far without being bored from my rambling, thank you. With that I’ll leave you with a bit of something I wish I remembered more often. From PinterestTo live a creative life we must loose our fear of being wrong


posted in: Art Challenge, Creations | 1

Today I was listening to a 4 part youtube series by Ira Glass that was just….REALLY good for anyone doing *anything* creative. Most of it had to do with story telling, which was great as it pertains to my screenwriting, but something else he said – something about bridging the gap, really struck home. I’d found this saying on Pinterest before, but didn’t know where it came from until today.

The Gap

I’ve been dealing with a bit of frustration myself. I see images so clearly in my head, but there’s a huge gap between what I want it to look like and what it does. Something’s lost in translation and I’m not good enough yet to paint more than echoes of what I’m really thinking, let alone being able to describe with words to people who ask, what it is that I see and what I want my stuff to look like. There aren’t words for it that make any sense in order and the best I can do is look far away and blush and say something that is the closest I can describe but really doesn’t match what I mean in my head to begin with.

“photorealistic” is as close as I can come to saying I want my paintings to have more depth and natural-ness. But I don’t want it to look….real. Actually, I specifically want it to not look real, I just want the things in the scene to look more real-ish. I want my characters to be more than flat outlines. I want the painting that I’m working on right now (writing while the layers of gesso dry) to look as clear and glowing as it does in my head. It probably won’t, and when I’m done I’ll be fine with that. But I decided today, after listening to the youtube thing, that I don’t care how long it takes me, I’m not going to stop, I’m going to work hard, and eventually the paintings I see in my head will make it to the brush in my hand – the movie that I see when I close my eyes will make it to my screen and I’ll be happy with it.

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