I’ve never felt the need to wear makeup, and only applied it rarely – usually focusing on eyes, because no one kisses my eyelids. I think some of it was because I was given the ability to wear makeup when I was 13 and just never had the desire. It was one of those things where it was available, I felt, to cover up the imperfections on my face and serve as a mask to hide the things that I should be ashamed of (or at least feel the need to hide). I subscribed to the reasoning that if people didn’t like me because I didn’t wear makeup or cover my acne, then I didn’t really want to be friends with them anyway. So I didn’t put any effort into either skin care or makeup. When I did start to wear makeup, at 17, it was because I felt the need for a mask – psychologically, makeup presented that option. So for much of my life I’ve equated the frequent wearing of makeup to wearing a mask. In a way, with filming that’s still true – but I never saw the creativity in it, just a barrier to hide imperfections or flaws behind.
The last week has shaken that theory. Instead of building a psychological wall, the face is just another kind of canvas – and makeup just another kind of medium. Over the week I’ve done lots of crazy shit with my face. I did this kind of heavy winged look with eyeshadow (which is sort of becoming my paint of choice, as I had no idea how versatile it could be with just adding a little bit of water to the brush), made designs and played with various kinds of eyeliner. I have black and sparkle pen, pencil and liquid eyeliner, and a purple cream eyeliner. I learned Tuesday, that my lines are straighter when I use cream eyeliner as opposed to the other kinds. I think it’s because it’s harder to move, so I can take my time on it and it won’t squiggle as much – I could however, do with the brush being less pokey.