I’ve been taking the full-dose of Zoloft (currently 50mg a day) for about a week now. I was going strong until I got stressed out on Friday, and then everything just kinda has been a haze of anxiety. I was super focused and creative and fucking fantastic for a week…excusing the bouts of nausea/dizziness and general there’s-a-new-chemical-in-my-body-side-effects that lasted a few days (and then went away, and then came back randomly but only for an afternoon or so off and on, I’m only in week like, 2.5 of new meds, so). Sometime over the weekend it’s like I forgot how to focus and I’ve been really tense.
A couple circumstantial things don’t help: our shower drain has been clogged since the weekend and the plumber was supposed to come today but didn’t, and the subsequent sink drains have decided to join in on the clogging fun, so I have a bunch of unwashed/gross/dirty dishes from a failed attempt to wash them just sitting on the counter, I haven’t showered since the weekend (because pooling just feels bad when you can’t clean the tub, and feeling grosser after showering than before is sorta pointless), and the bathroom sink is all slow now, so doing anything for longer than 30 seconds is basically out.
On the upside, I’ll be at a wedding this weekend and the hotel will have a working shower, and my pit hairs are kinda cute right now.
I’ve spent a lot of this week trying to still work on things – I ended up managing to get a lot done – this week’s comic, for instance, I finished already and I think it’s awesome, but KieryGeek is gonna wait because I just couldn’t, at that point, the anxiety had pretty much taken over. I’ve been working on my Ruby site pretty regularly, though I feel like the going is pretty slow. Some of that though, is just how learning a new language is and has less to do with my meds.
It’s so weird though, because I can tell that the meds are doing something, I know there’s an edge of anxiety that’s missing, because there’s a tiny tiny calm space even though I feel like, today, I’m on the verge of a meltdown.
My current plan is to ask to up the dose when I go back in July. I know they’re doing things but I feel like I did before I needed to up the dose on my anti-depressants – work great as long as there’s no stressors or anything, but as soon as something is there, it’s like, just doesn’t have enough umph. And some of that might just be because I’m only 2.5 weeks into the new medication, but if one lunch & some plumbing issues can throw me for a loop, I’m thinking…yeah with the upping being a good idea.
And if that doesn’t work, I guess we’ll try something else.
It was so nice to be creative and focused again though, even if it was only for a few days. I want that back.
I took the week off of face stuff last week, and gave my skin a rest. Also, I was tired of poking my eyes so frequently (and I was hoping for the acne to quell). A friend of mine recommended some Sea Buckthorn oil, and while I was at whole foods over the weekend (to find ingredients for epic pork wellington)I thought I’d look in their oils/skin care/body section for Sea Buckthorn.
I tested the oil sample, and upon arriving home found that it did actually seem to help my skin – this awful cat scratch finally started healing and my breakout started to diminish. I ended up buying Sea Buckthorn Cream Body Wash – and used that on my face and skin today, and it was wonderful!
I love having a natural go-to for skin care, and I found one that really seems to work – especially for acne prone oily faces like mine. Almost like the lemon-honey toning mixture I made, and they work in tandem well. I’m hoping that I’m not just like super excited, but my face does seem clearer and more even. Also, it comes from citrus, which is great and reminds me a little bit of Florida, where I grew up and makes me happy. Tropical fruits ftw!
For the next 4 weeks I’ll be doing a tone up with another friend of mine and you can follow along by watching her blog or my tumblr. MWF are my Sculpting days, and TTS are my Cardio with a rest or whatever-i-wanna-do on a Sunday, which most likely still involves lots of walking. I’m using Fitocracy to carry my workout details, and my fitblr for steps/cardio/cals etc. I’m doing my days opposite Kahleesi for funs.
I might do more than one outfit post this week, depending on how I feel, because I just put together this wicked adorbs outfit with leather shorts and I feel like a super hero, I just have to apply makeup to go-with. It’s been ridiculously cold, so if I can stay in my warm pj’s, I have; which isn’t conducive to makeup.
I have been making a new list for this year, because my birthday is next week. I don’t think I’m going to come up with 22 unless I can come up with them naturally. I pushed for 21 last year and it was less fun that way. I have 18 things right now, I think, and I’m excited about all of them. We’ll see how well I do. I’ve done all but 2 or 3 from last year – some intentional, because some of those (like intrinsic value) are more of a life journey than something that can be achieved in a year, and others because of filming continuity (no piercings or tattoos yet).
I will watch some tutorials on HOW TO APPLY EYELINER WITHOUT POKING YOUR EYES OUT WITH EYELINER because that gets old, and I did that like 3 times while getting ready for our Valentines dinner at the Sea Grass Bistro – where I had foodgasms for the first time and it rocked my world.
Lamb chop with mint infused honey felt like a hug on my tongue. No idea that could happen.
I need to do some more cleaning – and sweep my floors because borked roomba is borked and having work space for stuff helps. But I’m strangely lacking the motivation as I’m on a bit of a WoW kick and leveling quicker than I have in a while – admittedly, all of twice, but I’m almost 87 and I only got to 86 a day or two ago, so that’s getting me closer to my goal of hitting cap.
This blog is not by any means a place for expert advice, at best it’s the general wanderings and musings and evolution of “the process” – my process, a process, some kind of process; inexperienced me attempting to get somewhere and hopefully be better at it. Posts change with moods and whims because my interests change and vary – it’s a weird thing about my personality. Sometimes, when I feel I’m making progress and then something happens where I feel like I’ve gone backwards I take it pretty hard.
I made a ton of progress with my face over the last few weeks. Actually my skin was clearing up and evening out, and acne was going away. All the things I should have learned and done years ago. Then I started breaking out again – I didn’t know why, and then I realized that the only thing I changed was adding moisturizer. I stayed away from it forever because I have very active oil glands – but I thought I should get some because of all the stripping of oils I was doing. I felt really sad about it, strangely enough. Because I’ve never seen my skin clear that way and I almost panicked. It’s easier to apply makeup when I’m not battling acne and acne scars.
So, I remembered something else that I overlooked – I wasn’t drinking a ton of water. Usually, I have an okay water intake, but sometimes in the winter I forget about water and opt for tea because it’s warm and I’m usually just trying to keep my fingers at body temperature. I decided a few days ago to re-up my water intake and see if it helped. Surprisingly enough, between drinking close to 40 oz. of water a day (there should be more, I know) and giving my skin a break and *not* applying moisturizer, it’s starting to calm down again.
I guess all I wanted to say was, I LEARNED A THING! Water really does help clear up skin. Water, and lemon-honey mixture on the face. Apparently moisturizer however, does not agree with my lebanese/portuguese skin type.
We had a heat warning thing the other day because the heat index was at 100º F due to humidity. Unlike the rest of the US, apparently Maine doesn’t believe in central AC so we have to try to suffice with the stupid window units that work as long as you’re not in a different room.
So then the power went out, for an hour or two. We left and went to dinner (AC!) and then came home and decided to go to the beach.
I’ve been wanting to break out my bikini, so I put it on and we left and I realized that my bikini debut was going to take place on a day where I’m really prickly, because I hadn’t shaved or had a chance to shower before leaving, and my hair was all greasy and I was bloaty from heat and water retention and my stomach being weird all day and generally the complete opposite of how I wanted to look when I wore my bikini to the beach in my imagination.
But then I realized, you know what, I’m okay with that. I was okay for not being completely perfect and just going – unshaved legs and arms and greasy hair and acne and bloat and everything.
So then after walking around in my bikini for a little while, the bugs discovered me because it was low tide and they were parched, and I looked tasty.
Queer, geeky, 20-something, human, married to Alex, and food-getter to a fluff bucket called Tonks (or silly cat, or mr. snuggles...). Often found writing, gaming, making art, planning/developing art-related Ruby on Rails apps, and pondering meshnet.