This is my Life


Undo. 1 comment

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Sometimes I wish for an undo button, not because of regret but because I’m afraid. I applied to a job doing IT support and now I’m anxious about it. What if they hire me? (Like I’m not the one with ultimate say?) How will my life change? 

Before applying it seemed like getting a job would be a good way to get myself out of my apartment (and make money) but in a way that’s maybe easier than all the MeetUps I talk myself out of? But now I’m nervous. 

What if I suck? What if I’m just harassed because I don’t look like an IT Person (TM)?

Change – even theoretical change is scary. Change that involves leaving my apartment and interacting with other humans is terrifying. I wish it wasn’t. 

But when I write it out, these are all factors I can control for, and when I remember I have agency, a job offer isn’t so scary. 

Strangers on the other hand…


Life right now. 1 comment

I feel the need to be more present physically in my world, but I don't like the implication that the digital world is unimportant or doesn't matter. Because the internet is more of the real (painful, brutal, honest) world than my physical experience is. I don't want to sound dated when I say I need to be more "here" - but I do need to re-gound and center myself. I need to touch and see things outside of my screen. I need to tether.

I feel the need to be more present physically in my world, but I don’t like the implication that the digital world is unimportant or doesn’t matter. Because the internet is more of the real (painful, brutal, honest) world than my physical experience is. I don’t want to sound dated when I say I need to be more “here” – but I do need to re-gound and center myself. I need to touch and see things outside of my screen. I need to tether.


The Groove

The feeling you have when you want to do things and you even make progress on things just not in a way anyone can see yet, because you want more than anything to get back into your rhythm but you’re just not there.

And then you remember that you moved barely a month ago, and the fact that you can think and even make a little progress outside readjusting to life again is a pretty big deal.

Oh and remember, you spent last night plotting out story arcs, after a week of really draining work, so that’s something.

This has been a post.

 


24

I didn’t know how much I needed this trip until I took it, and now I feel soooo sappy.

I’ve wanted to have a birthday that involved just chilling with friends for ages, but my mom was anti-chill parties, and I never end up living physically close to my friends in general, so spending a weekend traipsing about DC and Richmond with my girlfriend exploring museums and seeing/meeting friends I’ve known for ages IRL, was just…….beautiful.

A perfect ending to the east coast chapter of my life, before embarking on a brand new adventure.

Stories were told, drinks were had, food was eaten, laughter was plentiful……it’s a small fucking world.

As I sit here on this train for 12 hours I’m just happy I finally got to see my friends, and happy I’m actually moving, and excited about the future and the next time we get to see each-other.

I have the best group.

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My Blog is Breathing

Seriously though, it’s weird. Every other year or so, I expand out (exhale) I disperse my art and my thoughts across various different sites for a couple years to compartmentalize them in my mind, and then over time, every thing comes back together (inhale) and I try to put everything back in one place again. I’ve done this enough times that it’s starting to feel like breathing, a natural inhale and exhale of my online presence, going more places and coming back in. I’ve added back a couple handfuls of posts from KieryGeek.Com because I keep writing (or wanting to write) about games here, and keeping up an entirely separate and more quiet blog has been thrown to the wayside, but then I feel guilty and like I’m neglecting it. If you check out the KieryGeek category, you’ll see a bunch more stuff than before.

KieryGeek.Com will still be around and alive, as an archive (so all the links will work, yay!) until I decide to exhale again.

I’m also breathing.

I changed meds and have been taking Lexapro for about two weeks now and I feel a lot better than I did on Zoloft. The vivid dreams have started to die down so I’m sleeping again, which is helpful. I got my hair cut, and I get to play business Kiery this weekend, which involves makeup and some pretty rad shoes.