This is my Life


Seattle Pride (In Pictures)

Intentionally went to my first Pride last-ish weekend, and it was really fun. I’d been to Portland (Maine) Pride once on accident – we were getting food and then a wild parade appeared – but Seattle, Seattle really knows how to do Pride. It’s massive.

Next year I hope there’s more than one Bi Pride group, because in an all-day parade, having a good bit of visibility would be nice for those of us who often feel invisible.


Sometimes I learn slower than I’d like. I get frustrated because PHP isn’t intuitive and I can watch a segment and then I have to take a break and let what I learned sit there for a couple days before going back for more. On the upside, I am actually grasping it this time, but I wish I knew all the things now so I could make stuff already.

But I guess no one really learns a language in a day, and I am making progress, so that’s good.

Unrelated to PHP Basics though, I am exhausted and heavy hearted. Part of me doesn’t know why, and part of me is aware that I’m just sensing the weight of the world. I’m doing the best I can to make a small piece of it better though, and I just have to keep plugging away. I can’t focus on everything, and that’s okay.


On Books and Bees

I went to the library and found all the best fairy books in the kids section. I came home with one called the Faerie Door and I’m almost done with it. My favorite thing about libraries is that you can just sit there and read and no one bothers you and then you can bring the book home and continue to read it because you can’t pull yourself away. I think the kids section is the best part of the library because all the most fantastical stories are there – the authors don’t have to prove themselves to the adult world and they can be as imaginative and wondrous as they please, and this is why I mostly read YA books.

The kids section is the best part of the library

A photo posted by Kiery King (@kiery28) on

My particular library branch is small, and the dvd and adult sections don’t have a lot in my particular interests, but the teen section is what really stole my heart. They had so many resources – I can tell that my library actually cares about the youth that frequent it and I was trying hard not to cry even though I’m years removed from teenagehood. It would have meant so much to me if my library had emergency numbers, LGBTQ resources, and books dedicated to assuring me that I am indeed okay.

There’s this fiction book, called stronger than you know, about an abused homeschooled girl with PTSD who is rescued from her family, lives with her aunt and uncle and is trying to brave the world. I couldn’t bring myself to read more than the first page without being overcome and also wanting to leave it there for the inevitable person who’d need it after I left.

So I came home with a book I’ve barely been able to put down. I’ll probably finish it tonight and then drop it off at the library before going to explore a waterfall tomorrow. Yesterday I watched some bees pollinate lavender while waiting for the bus and taking in the breeze. I’m not sure how much I like being disconnected from twitter and facebook – half of me wishes I were all the time, and the other half knows it’s not good to be in a bubble cut off from the world forever, either – and the fact is, twitter is a better place for news than the news. I can also easily get lost in my head, and need a way out – sometimes it’s pleasant, a lot of times…..it’s not. I get lost in remembering things my parents said and did and I get upset with little to distract me.

I think the moral of the story is, I need to consciously remember to watch the bees, take in the air, take breaks, but also consciously live outside my head, and pay attention to the world.

Happier? no, less angry, maybe. Calmer? yes. More productive? somewhat. I just need to listen to myself.


Undo. 1 comment

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Sometimes I wish for an undo button, not because of regret but because I’m afraid. I applied to a job doing IT support and now I’m anxious about it. What if they hire me? (Like I’m not the one with ultimate say?) How will my life change? 

Before applying it seemed like getting a job would be a good way to get myself out of my apartment (and make money) but in a way that’s maybe easier than all the MeetUps I talk myself out of? But now I’m nervous. 

What if I suck? What if I’m just harassed because I don’t look like an IT Person (TM)?

Change – even theoretical change is scary. Change that involves leaving my apartment and interacting with other humans is terrifying. I wish it wasn’t. 

But when I write it out, these are all factors I can control for, and when I remember I have agency, a job offer isn’t so scary. 

Strangers on the other hand…